Individualized End of Life Support
A supportive presence for individuals aware that are nearing the end of their physical life, dedicated to helping them and their families navigate the many spaces that unfold with intention and love.
“To heal is to touch with love, that which we previously touched with fear.”
- Stephen Levine
Support for the Dying
As a certified death doula my role is to welcome each individual, as they near the end of life, with love. I am there to offer presence to whatever is arising, and ask the type of questions that welcomes each person on a unique journey of self-reflection. I walk with individuals through six experiences of the self; Emotional, Mental, Physical, Relational, Spiritual, and finally Practical. Although I have a specific process I can walk people through, it’s important to note that my main role is to create a safe space for each individual to focus on whatever it is they feel needs their attention. I am there to offer each individual opportunities to honor their life and the lives of those who have journeyed alongside them. For example, some want help writing loved ones letters, some want their hair braided, some want to be sang to, and some want to be anointed and prayed over. I believe that each individual knows what they need better than I do, and I am simply there to help individuals navigate whatever is arising with them, educate them about their options, and support them in their choices with love.
Family Support
With the exception of administering medications, my presence is there to support families with a myriad of needs. I have been asked to make meals, change diapers of loved ones nearing the end, empty urine bags, organize the scheduling of medications and create reminders for those administering, give bed baths, talk with loved ones of the family and keep them updated on the patients status, run errands, helping plan for the celebration of life, and much more. I am also there to support the emotional and mental needs of the families as they see fit. Creating safe spaces for loved ones to process and be met with compassion is an important part of the death doulas role. I am not only there to help the patient who is dying, but to support the families who are carrying both the emotional and physical weight of what it takes to care for a loved one at the end of life.
Guided Conversations for Families
As a family member, or friend is nearing the end of their physical life, we often don’t have access to some of the tools we would like. Grief can overwhelm our senses, and we can get stuck in shock, in a reactionary state, in depression, in anger, in confusion, and so much more. In my experience, it can be helpful to have someone outside of the family to facilitate conversations that navigate how to support the individual who is dying, how to support one another, and simply name some of the thing that can be sensitive to name in the face of death. It is not uncommon for families to have conflict over money, over unsaid expectations they have for one another, and when emotions are high family systems can face a lot of stress. These facilitated conversations give everyone a chance to be heard, and create space for families to not only create boundaries, but share their love for one another. I have also had families who wanted to have these important conversations but who wanted their privacy, so instead of leading the conversation, I trained a loved one in how to lead it themselves, and I was told afterwards it was a beautiful experience for them.
Honoring the Dead
Death can be something we rush through, or that we are rushed through by others. Holding Vigil a way to slowing down, taking a deep breath, understanding our options, and stepping into the moment with presence. After a body is no longer breathing we often jump into calling the mortuary to come take the body away. This is not wrong, and sometimes it is what families want and need, but it is not the only option. Holding vigil is an age old ritual that allows families to take their time saying their goodbyes, and honoring their loved ones body. This process can be a few hours, or even days long, depending on the families needs and desires. As a death doula it is my role to educate families on their options and offer different rituals and honoring ceremonies that are appropriate to each families belief systems, in the event of a death. This process does not only allow us to show our respect for those who have died, but it gives us the space to breath and be present with ourselves in the process as well.